All posts tagged: Divorce

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Oh, you are such a loser!

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A new buzz word in pop psychology is “vulnerable.” There is some good advice out there, and this idea can be good for us. If I looked at you and said “loser!” I would be rude, and you would take that as an insult. We learned that in elementary school. So, “loser!” I just called you a loser, and you can say the same to me. If we are not losers, we are failures. Every Christian should know the words in the Bible “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6) That is the bedrock of our Christian faith. Jesus made it right, after we made it wrong. A few days ago, I had a meeting with an old friend. We talked about business and we also had time to catch up on our personal stories, like old friends. This man is a Christian, my brother in Christ, and he described himself as …

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Marriage is good for heart health, divorce bad

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It’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18 NASV) And shortly after uttering those words, God created Eve as a help mate for Adam and through this we have the first marriage. Men and women were intended to live together and help each other not only in life matters but apparently it also has spin-off health benefits for our hearts. The Daily Mail reports a study by researchers at Keele University in Newcastle-under-Lyme, England and Royal Stoke Hospital cardiology department at Stoke-on-Trent, England concluded that being married brings significant heart health benefits. They came to this conclusion after analyzing data from 34 studies between 1963 and 2015 involving two million people between the ages of 42 and 77. The researchers noted that about 80% of heart disease could be attributed to physical factors such as high-blood pressure, high cholesterol, increased age, bad habits such as smoking and even a person’s sex as men tend to have a higher risk of heart disease. However, there is still that 20% of risk factors that can’t …

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Study reveals a major reason for child poverty: Divorce

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An article in the National Post came to the stunning conclusion that one of the big reasons for child poverty in Canada is not capitalism run amuck or the one percent hording all the money, the real reason is divorce. In his article Surprise! Child poverty in Canada comes from divorce, not capitalism, William Watson dived into the finances of Canadian families provided by Statistics Canada, a government-run organization. According to the Statistics Canada, there are 1.2 million kids living in poverty. They define poverty as children living in families that earn less than half of Canada’s median income which for a mixed-sex couple is $87,688. Statistics Canada showed in 2015, the number of children under the age of five living in poverty was 17.8%.  For children between the ages of six to 15, 17% were living in poverty. But as you delve further into the statistics another disturbing trend begins to emerge. Single families are by far the biggest group where children live in poverty. Of course, not all single parent families are the …

Children need married parents to thrive Credit: buck82/Flickr/Creative Commons

Children do better when parents are married versus living together

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A recent study by the Institute for Family Studies found that children raised in a family where parents marry have the best chance of success. The study reported in The Federalist analyzed data from 100 countries. The study found that where there is no marriage commitment — this included situations where both of the child’s biological parents were living together — there was a greater chance the child would face a union transition. This takes place when parents end their relationship and start a new sexual relationship. These types of transition create a major time of instability for children often resulting in emotional and behavioral problems, educational difficulties and even a higher risk of death for the child. The report stated that “[C]ohabitation continues to confer a stability disadvantage on individual children even as cohabitation has become more normative.” The report disputes those who suggest that because of the rise in rates cohabitation it should be looked upon as the new form of marriage. Writing for The Federalist, Holly Scheer said: “Couples who commit to …

Is divorce a violent act? Credit: --christophe--/Flickr/Creative Commons

Does divorce impact a child’s spirituality?

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One of God’s clearest denunciations of divorce is found in the book of Malachi. Speaking on behalf of God, the Prophet thunders: “For, I hate divorce.” (Malachi 2:16 NASV) Then God declares divorce an act of violence. “and him who covers his garment with wrong, (literally violence)” When the Lord says that I don’t believe He is describing the acrimony that often occurs between a man and woman when they divorce. The couple divorcing could still be friends, but the act of divorce itself is inherently violent. In the previous verses we discover the reason: 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:14-15 NIV) In …

Clara praying with Elizabeth Photo: War Room/Facebook

Faith movie ‘War Room’ beats out blockbusters at the box office

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Entertainment Weekly called it a “sleeper hit” and when a Christian movie catches the secular media’s attention you know its shocking everybody, including Hollywood. Refusing to follow Hollywood’s script of sex and violence, the name of the movie aside, the Kendrick brother’s, Alex and Stephen, latest movie is on a record-setting pace. War Room sold an amazing $11.4 million worth of tickets this past weekend, blasting through the brothers’ belief that $10 million would exceed their wildest expectations. The movie was second only to Straight Outta Compton a profanity laced hip hop movie that grossed $13 million. War Room, with only a PG rating, managed to exceed $11 million without swearing, violence, sex, and a star filled cast and while only showing in 1,100 theaters across the US. Meanwhile, Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation starring Tom Cruise was in over 3,000 outlets but only earned $8 million that same weekend. The Christian movie is on course to surpass Fireproof, another faith movie the Kendricks’ released in 2008. With sales of $33 million, it was the …

Sleeping on paper and pavement in 40 degrees. Photo Graf Spee/Foter/CC BY

What is the biggest cause of homelessness?

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It seems we regularly hear calls by activists and politicians to end homelessness and frankly governments have been trying to do it for years, without success. To effectively deal with homelessness, you have to find its cause and cut it off at the root. I was surprised, and then I wasn’t, when I read Emma Woolley’s article on her thoughts on the reasons for homelessness. Woolley writes for the Canadian arm of Homeless Hub that looks for solutions for homelessness. Many people point to the obvious — job loss, drug and alcohol addictions and mental illness as key reasons for homelessness — and though these are major contributors, oddly those who specialize in the care of homeless people do not consider them as the number one reason for homelessness. In her article What are the statistics on homelessness due to divorce?, Woolley pointed to two organizations Homeless Link and Crisis who both stated divorce or relationship breakdown was the number one cause homelessness. This can be between spouses or children and the family resulting in …

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The impact of divorce on adult children

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I have posted two articles already on a 2001 report on the impact of divorce on children written by Rebecca O’Neill. In the previous articles I looked at how divorce negatively affects children and teens. In this post, I want to look at how divorce affects children as they become adults. At the time she wrote the report, Rebecca worked for the Institute for the Study of Civil Society based in London, England. In her paper, entitled Experiments in living: the Fatherless family, she compiled the statistics of many studies that analyzed the impact of absent fathers on children. While many of these studies looked at the consequence of divorce on children others simply researched the fallout of mothers raising children on their own — some being unwed mothers. Since divorce usually ends up with a mother raising a family alone, the consequences are often the same in both cases. In this last in my three-part series I look at how divorce negatively affects children once they become adults. In many instances the researchers tried …

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Impact of divorce on teens

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I was reading an article about a young teen, William Cornick, 15, from England who stabbed his teacher to death in front of his classmates in 2014. The incident shocked people across England. William was doing exceptionally well academically. He seemed like a normal, well-adjusted boy. Police found the family to be loving, caring and involved in William’s life. They could find no reason that would explain the murder of a teacher. I had to read several articles before I discovered a single line, buried at the bottom of an article that said his parents had divorced. Is it possible, this one fact hidden in dozens of pages written on this horrific attack was the reason for this violent murder? In a previous article, Studies reveal the negative impact of divorce on children, I looked at the impact of divorce on children from a report written by Rebecca O’Neill in 2001 for England’s Institute for the Study of Civil Society based in London. O’Neill looked at the vast amount of research on the profound impact absent fathers …

Divorce has a negative impact on children.

Studies reveal the negative impact of divorce on children

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While the Old Testament Law provided for divorce, Jesus was adamant God only allowed it because of the hardness of people’s hearts (Mathew 19:7, 8). In the book of Malachi, the prophet expresses God’s true feelings on divorce: “‘For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the Lord of Hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously.’” (Malachi 2:16 NASV) This verse not only says God hates divorce, but explains one of its byproducts through the phrase “covers his garment with wrong.” The NASV translated the Hebrew word “chamas” as wrong, but the word actually means violence and by implication wrong. A garment was an idiom used to describe the covering and protection the husband provided the family. Through divorce this covering turned from one of protection to one of violence. We see further evidence of this in the Hebrew word for divorce ‘keritut” or more specifically its root “Karat” which means: “to cut off part of the …

The unseen violence of divorce

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[by Dean Smith] A brutal murder which took place on April 28, 2014 was one of the most disturbing in England that year. It caught the media and public’s attention like no other. Ann Maguire, 61, a school teacher at Corpus Christi Catholic College in Leeds, England was teaching a Spanish class at the school. It was supposed to be her last year as she was looking forward to retirement in the fall. She bent down for a moment to talk to one of the students in the class.

The long-term effects of divorce on children

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[by Dean Smith] A 25-year study by sociologist Judith Wallerstein from the University of Berkley discovered the problems children encounter when their parents’ divorce often don’t show up until later — when the children are between 20 and 30 years of age. In her study entitled, The unexpected legacy of divorce: A 25 year landmark study, Wallerstein followed 100 children over a 25-years period commencing in 1971 when California liberalized its divorce legislation. Wallerstein stated the results surprised her. It was clear the delayed, negative impact of divorce on children was more far-reaching than first anticipated.

Report: By age 17, 83% of black children are living in broken homes

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According to two reports released by the Family Research Council, (FRC) by age 17, 83% of Black children are living in broken homes. By the same age, 46% of white children are no longer living with both biological parents. Over the last 60 years, the problem has steadily worsened with an increasing number of children being affected by broken families. Between 1950 and 2012, the number of black teens aged 15 to 17, who lived in a family made up of both biological parents had declined by 21%. For white children, the decrease was 13%. Part of this breakdown is due to divorce. There was a time when parents stayed together for their children’s sake. However, that notion is now considered outdated and children are experiencing the rejection that comes with the family breakdown, often with devastating consequences. The FRC said: “The American family is in crisis. Our nation’s children, especially our black children, are being robbed of their married biological parents. However, another contributing factor was the number of children who from birth grow …

Marriage success not defined by wedding expense

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[by Dean Smith] A study by two economic professors, Hugo Mialon and Andrew Francis, from Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia discovered there is an inverse relationship between how much was spent on a wedding and the success of the marriage. One would typically think the more you spent on the wedding the longer a marriage would last. In fact, the opposite is the case. According to an article on CNN, they found divorce rates for weddings costing over $20,000 were 1.6 times higher than for weddings ranging between $5,000 and $10,000. Weddings costing less than a $1,000 were also more successful than the average marriage.

Survey shows divorce often doesn’t end well — for children

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[by Dean Smith] There used to be a time, a long time ago, when parents in troubled marriages stayed together for the sake of their children. Sometimes those marriages actually turned around. Other times they struggled through. But those days are long gone. Today divorce is easy. If the billboards in North America are right, you can get a simple divorce for $399 and sometimes they go on sale. But those prices are deceiving because for children, depending on their age, the cost of divorce can sometimes be very expensive. Some end up paying for their parents’ divorce the rest of their lives. Resolution is an English legal organization made up of 6,500 lawyers who specialize in family law. They recently commissioned a survey to find out how divorce affected children. They surveyed 500 kids (aged 14 to 22) in England and Wales asking them pointed questions on the impact of their parents’ divorce.

There is no good divorce, for children

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A study led by Indiana University’s Dr. Jonathon Beckmeyer has concluded there is no such thing as a good divorce when looking at its impact on children. The study disagrees with a widely held view that divorces where the parents have a friendly relationship are less damaging on children than those where the parents are in conflict. Studies have shown that divorce can have a negative impact on children leading to increased rates of drug use, behavioral problems at home and school and increased problems with depression and anxiety. The study published in Family Relations, an academic journal, looked at the impact of divorce/separation on the children of 270 parents who divorced or separated between 1998 and 2004. Of the families studied, 31% classified the relationship with their ex as “co-operative,” 24% described it as “conflictual” and the rest (45%) described it as somewhere in the middle.

Over 50% regret their decision to divorce

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According to a survey — conducted in conjunction with the DVD release of a movie called The Love Punch — 54% of people who had divorced said they had second thoughts about their decision. The survey was reported by the Daily Mail. The Love Punch, starring Pierce Brosnan and Emma Thompson, is a comedy about a divorced couple who are brought back together to try to recover a retirement fund stolen through fraud. During this process, they realize their love for each other had not died. The survey questioned 2,000 UK men and women who had either been either divorced or separated from a long term relationship for over five years.

Are the lies about divorce leading to divorce?

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In her book, The Good News About Marriage, author Shaunti Feldhahn reveals some interesting stats she uncovered about marriage and divorce that counter the perception most marriages are doomed to fail. Feldhahn says this type of information is important because she believes most marriages fail because people are convinced divorce is not only inevitable, but almost expected. She says there is a culture of “futility” about marriage and this causes people to not fight through hard times that invariably come in a marriage.

Marriage on the rocks in England

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Marriage is under attack around the world. Here  are a few facts reflecting marriage and divorce trends in England. These stats are probably similar to those found in many developed nations. Did you know more people were married in the UK in 1862 than were married in 2011. 1862 was the first year records were kept of England’s marriage rates. in 1996, there were 1.6 million people between the ages of 45-62 living alone. By 2012, that number had increased to 2.4 million — an 800,000 increase.