A few weeks ago my husband and daughter noticed that I was tired and sleeping more than usual.
Immediately, I became angry and defensively opened my calendar to recount every thing I had done over the past two weeks that justified my tiredness.
My husband said to me, “it’s not about how much you have done or are doing. Maybe, you need to go to the doctor and make sure it’s not your heart. Your mother has heart disease.”
His concern for my health interrupted my rant and how much I had done (with proof written in my calendar). I thanked him for caring enough to say something. He was not questioning my ‘doer’ abilities but was genuinely concerned about my health.
I was later moved to tears when I realized my Heavenly Father tries in the same way to push aside my “doing mindset” and convince me that “I am enough.”
God loves and accepts us just the way we are. There is nothing we can do to prove ourselves to our Heavenly Father.
But a person with a ‘doer mindset’ never feels they are doing enough. You don’t believe that people truly love or respect you, because you really don’t love yourself.
Recently, I read an article where the author referred to herself as a ‘recovering doer’. I was familiar with the term ‘recovering alcoholic’ but I had never heard of this term before. It resonated deeply with me because ‘recovering doer’ was very much my journey.
During a conversation with several women we agreed that we were tired of being ‘human doers’ and needed to be ‘human beings.’ We recognized that many times we say ‘yes’ to people and things without taking the time to consider if this was supporting us and our responsibilities at that time in our lives.
When Jesus came to visit Mary and Martha at their home, Martha ran herself ragged to get the house ready and even became annoyed with her sister who was doing nothing but sitting at the feet of Jesus. While Martha tried to prove her worth by what she did, Mary realized she was already accepted and was able to sit in the presence of Christ.
“Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:42)
Over the years, I have said yes to many things even when I didn’t have the time, energy or desire because I was trying to validate myself to someone. But really I was only trying to validate myself to me, because of how negatively I felt about myself.
I am ashamed to say there are times when I put the needs of others before my family and responsibilities.
Unfortunately, this also reflected my attitude towards God who I felt didn’t really accept me for who I was. Through our redemption in Christ, we need to understand that God accepts and loves us just as we are.
Our struggle is to believe this.
Even when we fail we can embrace ourselves in our shortcomings knowing we remain loved and supported by our Heavenly Father.
We must become free from the need to prove ourselves.
Now is the time for women to heal so that we can shine and truly reflect Christ’s love to the world.
We need to move from a place of ‘doing’ to just ‘being’ a child of God who is loved and embraced by our Heavenly Father through our ups and downs, struggles and failures.
The old commentator Matthew Henry wrote:
“There is a self-love that is corrupt and the root of the greatest sins and must be put off and mortified but there is a self-love which is the rule of the greatest duty. We must have a due concern for the welfare of our souls and bodies.”