These past few weeks my eyes have been opened to my need for love, respect and acceptance from others. I tend to accuse others of being uncaring when they dismiss my plans and ideas.
I demand from others what I am lacking in myself and make others responsible for the way I feel.
When I quit blaming others for the way I am feeling (angry, hurt, rejected), only then can I see what the real problem is — my lack of self-esteem mostly.
I needed to ask ‘why’ am I blaming someone else for my lack of self-worth and insecurities. Why do I so badly need to be right?
Resentment and anger are dis-empowering. They debilitate and cripple us, yet we unknowingly lean on them like crutches to get the emotional support and love that we so badly need.
When we seek love without giving it to ourselves first, (embracing our value and worth in God and believing that) we will never be satisfied with what we get from people. We will find ourselves continually seeking to get it from others by acting out our woundedness and insecurities.
Taking responsibility for how I respond is aligning myself with the way God wants me to live.
I call it the ‘Dance of Life.”
Like a wave ebbing away from the shore we release our need to be right, dominate or control a situation. We fall back into the ocean of God’s love. A gentle rhythm and strength builds as we grow in the awareness of God’s intense love for us.
Waves of truth and affirmation wash over us, refreshing our mind and spirit. And, in one clean sweep we move outward and forward again into God’s purposes.
The ‘Dance of Life’ is forgiveness and letting go of what we so desperately need in the midst of the tumultuous waves of emotions. It’s learning how to forgive and let go of anything and give back in kindness.
There is strength in letting go and allowing the Holy Spirit to flow over you and through you to a new way. It takes more strength and willpower to let go of something than to push ahead stubbornly.
We become so focused on what we think God wants but I find there is a fine line where it becomes what “I” want more.
Sometimes we need to let go because the timing is wrong or God needs to do more work and preparation in us, even if we think we are ready.
There must be a time of surrender where we are willing to offer our plans, desires and wants to a loving Heavenly Father who knows us best.
Drink from the waters that restore your soul, like the men and women of God in the Bible who learned to wait for God. I am grateful for the checks and balances that protect me from being consumed by wrong things or good things at the wrong time.
Author Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 writes:
“Perhaps, God is speaking through our situation in a strange way. Will we listen? Will we obey? Even when it doesn’t make sense. We know that God can do something but we want it done the way that makes sense to us. And when it doesn’t make sense – when it feels strange – obedience is tough. Sometimes miracles await for us in the strange form of obedience. But obedience is something we’ll never regret.”
Is this where miracles happen? Through our strange obedience and letting go of plans, just when we think we are moving ahead and it’s right around the corner?
We will never be satisfied with the approval of others until we first approve of ourselves.
“I’ll again build you, and you will be rebuilt, Virgin Israel! You will again take up your tambourines and go out to dance with those who are filled with joy.” (Jeremiah 31:4)