[by Barb Smith] A few years ago, I reached a point of desperation. Personal, unresolved issues were eroding my mental, physical and emotional well-being.
With rejection issues stemming from 15 years ago still rumbling around inside, I needed guidance to focus and make choices to put me on the path to wholeness.
I was told to to attend a Choices seminar. Built on Biblical principles, Choices helps you identify your hurts and provides you the tools to break free from the past and move forward. I could go and receive the help and support I needed to work through my issues.
Shortly after, with fear and trepidation, I entered a five-day Choices seminar. I had not slept well the week before knowing I would have to be honest with myself, my peers and my “coaches”.
On the third day, I met Thelma — the woman who founded the organization — at the elevator. She was the speaker in my last session. The truth she shared hit me hard. It was clear that often my motivation for giving and doing things for people was not for them, but for me. It made me feel better about myself.
I shared this with Thelma as we stood waiting for the elevator. I will never forget her response.
“You are just saying to people, please love me,” Thelma said.
The truth sickened me. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach as I reeled from the impact of the truth.
For the first time, I realized how badly I needed people to acknowledge me and my contributions to society.
The shift from needing affirmation from my peers to embracing my true value as a child of God began, right then and there!
In her book, The Emotionally Healthy Woman, author Geri Sczerrao states;
“I enjoyed the love of God to a certain point. Unfortunately, the reality of His deep affection for me had not been able to penetrate my psyche for me to experience freedom from what other people thought of me. “
It has been three years since I discovered the root of my insecurity. The knowledge of God’s love has begun to work its way from my head to my heart. Some days I am more successful than others.
Making choices based on my worth as a child of God rather than the approval of others has not come easy.
The compulsion to give from a place of insecurity has been kept under thumb for the most part. Embracing my worth as a child of God has enabled me to give to others with sincerity and great joy!
I am grounding myself in the truth of who God says I am. He sees me through His eyes and His heart of pure love.
“that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, that you may be rooted and grounded in love” Ephesians 3:17