You want to see a man panic quicker than dog eats a treat?

Ask him what he’s thinking.

Men hardly ever ask each other this question and for good reason: Most of the time we don’t know what we’re thinking.

I see the look on young husbands’ faces when their lovely bride stares at them intently and coos: “What are you thinking?” The right answer is always something like: “I was thinking about how lucky I am that you love me!”

The truth is most men think about nothing. A lot.

I better explain this before I got the boot out of the Man League!

Men think in boxes. Take me for example. I have many interests. I think about one interest at a time. I like sports. I like cars. I like food. I like ministry. So when I am watching sports I am in my sports box. I don’t think about other interests. When I am in ministry mode, I don’t think about sports. Unless I can find a way to combine them, like eating and ministry. I am a one box man.

So when my wife used to ask me what I was thinking about I would panic and rack my brain trying to figure what she wanted me to think about. Then I decided to do myself and my wife a favor and starting telling her what I was really thinking. She quit asking very soon after that.

For all you rookie men out there, there is an art in truth telling when it comes to your boxes. If you are actually in your married box and thinking that your wife has gained weight or can’t cook or no longer irons your underwear, do not tell her that! Remember your box is private and is by invitation only. Spilling too much information will lead to disaster!

You see while we can just move from box to box at the drop of a hat, women cannot do that. I have even switched boxes mid sentence. Well, when my wife is talking anyway. Like the time I almost killed our son and she was a bit concerned about him. I hit him in the head with a really hard hockey shot. Bam! Right in the middle of the forehead! Poor little guy was flat on his back. It took him a while to move and then to sit up. Mid way through my wife’s loving expression of concern for safety I climbed out of my caring father box into the what a great shot box.

So why can’t women jump boxes like men? Now, please don’t take offense. I like spaghetti so when I say that women have spaghetti brains, it is with the utmost respect and adoration. Remember how us men go from box to box. That means our dots are not always connected. (I can hear your eye rolls from here).

Imagine you are eating spaghetti. You slurp one long strand after another and it is very difficult to get just one on your fork without disturbing the others. They are all connected. Women’s thoughts are all connected. That’s why women can recall exactly every stupid little thing men did thousands of years ago.

When my wife is reminding me of something I said or did long ago, she relives it. I, on the other hand, am frantically jumping boxes trying to find the offending event and some type of defense for it.

And that is why at the end of the ‘discussion’ when she says something like: “What have you got to say for yourself?” I honestly answer, “Nothing.” Because by then I am back in my nice and warm nothing box.

It’s a good thing God is not limited by either way of thinking. Sure, he connects all the dots, but when he forgives my sins, they go into the real nothing box—as in they don’t exist anymore.

I guess if I spent more time in my prayer box I wouldn’t have to hide in my nothing box so much!