What is wrong with some people!

I give them a thoughtful gift and I get flack for it!

All you men out there, I’m going to need you to take warning here. Apparently giving duct tape to a new-born man-child is against the law!

Here’s the story.

A long time ago I worked with Insight for Living Ministries, a radio broadcast program. There were only a few guys and a flock of women. I’m not sure if flock is the right term here. But the women decided to host an at-work baby shower. The men tried valiantly to remove themselves from this trap but since it was at work only the quicker thinking boss managed to escape.

Knowing it was a baby boy I had one of those aha moments. You know like when the clouds part and a ray of light hits you on the forehead with inspiration. Only I think the ray may have hit me a bit harder than it should have that day.

“I am a man. A boy is a pre-man. I like tools. And I like duct tape.” See I actually thought this out. I settled on duct tape. After all your first roll of duct tape is a true rite of passage.

So inside my cute little black gift bag and hidden under bunched up newspaper was a huge roll of duct tape. I was sure I had a winner here. After all, the kid could use it as a teething ring until he was strong enough to tear a piece off and redecorate the nursery.

The Mom opened up gift after gift until she knew no gracious way of avoiding the black gift bag that kept getting kicked under her chair. She opened it up and gasped and held up the roll of duct tape for all to see. It was a thing of beauty and the fluorescent light seemed to gleam off the grey webbing.

Then the cry of “What is this?!” as the wonderful female coworkers turned and stared at me.

“It’s duct tape.” I said quietly as I backed towards the door. “Guys like duct tape.” I saw a hand reach for the left over baby cereal from the tasting game. The gasps turned into threats of flying mushy pears and I ran for the men’s washroom and locked the door.

That was a close call!

That was my first and so far only baby shower. Now I know the new modern age men are way more adept at things like baby showers and the like. And one good thing that happened out of this experience is that I am now fluent in the Womanian language. I never want to get caught in a cultural barrier like that again!

The problem wasn’t that duct tape is not a good gift. It was not the kind of gift that was useful to the Mom. You see, I thought the shower was to give things the baby might like. I don’t know why they don’t call them Mommy showers if we are supposed to give things to make the Mom’s life easier.

I guess some gifts are just not that useful. Some are not even appropriate like giving a hair brush to a bald guy. No matter how many bad gifts I give or receive life goes on though. Some of the things I can laugh at like the one Christmas in which I gave my wife the exact same coat I bought for her last Christmas. Or my love for light up ties. Other gifts are so right on they hit the spot.

Some people give us restaurant gift cards to places that I normally can’t even afford to walk by. We love them and once we eat the gift is gone except for the thousand pictures Stella takes.

Do you know there is a gift that never gets used up? It just keeps on giving to you. That is the gift of salvation. Quit kicking it under the chair and open it up. All you have to do is accept it. Repent of your old ways and ask Jesus to be the boss of your life. I promise you this is one gift you won’t hold up in horror!

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Andy Becker’s spiritual warfare thriller, The Travellers, is available at Amazon.com and Amazon.ca