Refusing to forgive others keeps me in a victim mentality (poor me) state of mind. The victim mentality places the responsibility for my choices and actions on someone else and has become a stumbling block that many in this day are falling over.

We see it every day in the news particularly the anger and blame directed towards others that deflects personal responsibility for one’s happiness.  This victim mentality is ripping our society apart. Feminists are blaming the “patriarchy” (code word for men) for their imagined oppression.

It is always someone else’s fault. Yet, there are women from horrific backgrounds who have gone on to lead very successful lives, somehow men did not hold them back.

The victim mentality prevents us from reaching our full potential. It is a stumbling block made up of blame, anger and reliving your victim story over and over again until it takes on a life of its own.

It can take over your life and locks us into a limitation that we have unknowingly placed on ourselves. By holding on to it, we end up shutting down our future ‘lock, stock and barrel’ to coin an old phrase.

We believe nothing can change in our lives until the other person or circumstance changes.

We can’t move on and it’s no one’s fault but our own.

Many of my favourite authors have horrendous stories of abuse, yet little by little and step by step they have changed their stories from one of victim to victor.

Are we the victim of our story (circumstances of life) or are we going to work hard to become a conqueror? Are we going to rise up in the midst of our brokenness and choose to rebuild, restructure and change our stories?

I know from my own personal experience that if I don’t step in and choose to change my story (victim mentality/poor me), I will remain stuck and never know true happiness, fulfillment and joy.

We must take back control and choose to change our story. If not, our old story will continue to loop itself around in our minds, entangle our thoughts, mess us up and stop us from fulfilling our full potential and purpose here on earth.

The victim mentality can become an impenetrable stronghold in our minds:

“The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world.  Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We tear down arguments, and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God;  and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ” (2 Corinthians 10: 4-5)

Just like society can have strongholds in its thinking, so can we and these need to be demolished.

We need to tear down any victim mentality strongholds that have captured us. We need to take off that rope, our old mind-set, get a good grip on it, and pull it down.

The first step begins with fully acknowledging our old stories. Then we need to forgive those who hurt us.

The second step is acknowledging the victim patterns that have grown in our minds over the years. Do you believe nothing will ever change? Do you expect to lose? Do you always blame others for your failures? Then you are playing the victim card.

Your mind can be a garden strangled by weeds. We must tend it with loving care, pull out the weeds (thoughts) that have taken take over our minds (mindsets). Clear the space, get your hand on those lies, see them for what they are.

Once we acknowledge these mindsets and strongholds that control our thinking, the Holy Spirit can then come along side to help us change.

The last step is to sow the seed of God’s truth and begin to believe what He says about us:

² Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. ³ For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:2-3 NASV)