Too often, many of us are tempted to blame others for our feelings of insignificance. For a Christian, it is not uncommon to blame the church for one’s unhappiness.
We may feel ignored because our gifts or contributions have not been recognized. In our minds, we feel invisible and unable to gain the attention we so desperately need.
In other words, we are looking to the church to fulfill our purpose and calling thus taking the responsibility off our shoulders and placing it on theirs.
It is a temporary comfort though.
When things don’t work out as we hoped, it ends up being the church’s fault and not ours. Often, we blame God as well because we perceive the church as the only means by which God can fulfill our purpose.
For many years, I blamed the church for my unhappiness and for not meeting my personal needs. I believed it was their responsibility and not mine.
I ashamedly admit it was an attempt to make myself feel better. Deep down I was angry for not being recognized and turned my focus on what others should or should not be doing.
I became judgmental.
Geri Sczerrao, a pastor’s wife and author of the Emotionally Healthy Woman, describes the characteristics of a “blamer:”
“When blamers play the victim, they often retain a sense of moral superiority over others. In doing so, we disown our responsibility. Blamers are typically angry and pre-occupied with what others should be doing rather than facing their own discomfort.” It is easier to blame someone than making the difficult choice to take responsibility and change.”
I alone was responsible for my unhappiness. Only when I took back responsibility for my life and looked to God to reveal His plans for me could I begin to live with significance.
Below are the characteristics of a “blamer” and I would recommend reading this list only if you are willing to be honest with yourself.
- You feel you have been dealt a bad hand
- You believe you are rarely wrong
- You feel apologizing is a weakness
- You dwell on the past instead of the future.
- You don’t think you can change anything in your life for the better.
Basically as a blamer, we have transferred our trust from God to man. It is a mistake that many of us unknowingly make.
My journey from a “blamer” to one who takes responsibility for her choices and actions has been difficult. I had to be brutally honest with myself and it was humbling. But it has led me to peace, purpose and joy.
“You will show me the path of life, in your presence there is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalms 16:11 NKJV)
I alone am responsible for my relationship with God and using my gifts and talents to discover and fulfill His purpose for my life.