All posts tagged: Blame

Blame: The Ultimate Cop-out

Lately, I found myself repeating an old pattern in my life. It’s the one where I suddenly don’t feel good enough or I feel shame about something or an unpleasant memory pops up and I blame someone else for the problem. I recognize in those moments, I have chosen to become a victim and end up dumping my emotional garbage on my unsuspecting husband. He gets to take the garbage out! In a moment, my own personal trash is transferred to him and for a few seconds “I feel better.” But, the “rush” does not last long and soon those sick emotions return. I realize now why many of us like to blame others. It provides a temporary rush that numbs our senses and makes us feel better. But like all addictions, drugs, alcohol or gambling, the problem is not solved. It returns with a vengeance and we need to dump our frustration, anger and unchecked feelings again and again. Blaming someone else becomes our temporary fix. We become addicted to it because of the …

Credit: Dennis/Flickr/Creative Commons

Christians and Human Sacrifice

Don’t be fooled by my extreme title, Christians don’t drag some poor victim to the top of a pyramid and lay him on an altar; we are more subtle. Picture a group of children who got caught doing something wrong. The most important thing to report to the adults is ‘who takes the blame for this one.’ If we can heap the blame on someone else, we are free and clear. Our sacrificial victim is more like a scape goat. Among adults, this blame shifting can damage one person’s reputation, and it can damage families and churches. The destruction can last a life time. In my family, I am ashamed to admit, I fell for this a few months ago. My Dad is very old, and Mom is gone, so we are all concerned about our old father. A few months ago we learned that something wrong had been done with Dad’s money, maybe. I easily believed what I was told and I started to panic. I can remember at least one phone call that …

Are you playing the blame game?

A woman’s perspective: Are you playing the blame game?

Too often, many of us are tempted to blame others for our feelings of insignificance.  For a Christian, it is not uncommon to blame the church for one’s unhappiness. We may feel ignored because our gifts or contributions have not been recognized. In our minds, we feel invisible and unable to gain the attention we so desperately need. In other words, we are looking to the church to fulfill our purpose and calling thus taking the responsibility off our shoulders and placing it on theirs. It is a temporary comfort though. When things don’t work out as we hoped, it ends up being the church’s fault and not ours. Often, we blame God as well because we perceive the church as the only means by which God can fulfill our purpose. For many years, I blamed the church for my unhappiness and for not meeting my personal needs. I believed it was their responsibility and not mine. I ashamedly admit it was an attempt to make myself feel better. Deep down I was angry for …