All posts tagged: Family

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The millennial challenge

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We often joke with our daughter about being a “millennial” because she and her generation have a strong sense of entitlement. I realize now we are actually demeaning them and putting them in a shame position that makes it harder for them to move into adulthood. Several nights ago, I saw a young boy running with his teammates during a football practice and he couldn’t keep up. He was embarrassed. It broke my heart to see him caught in the throes of obvious comparison and failure in the eyes of his team mates. I wondered if this was what he wanted to do? Or was he playing football because that is what his parents’ wanted? On our journey through the child and teenage years, my husband and I realized that many times we were living our hopes and unmet dreams through our children. This was a harsh reality for us. It took time to undo the damage in their lives, our son in particular. We had to apologize and say “sorry” more than once. Many …

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The real problem in the black community: We’ve allowed women to “marry the government”

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Actor Denzel Washington stepped on a few toes recently when he said that black people need to quit blaming the system for the high rates of incarceration among black men. He made the statement at the première of his most recent movie, “Roman J. Israel, Esq,” where he plays a young lawyer fighting the system. Denzel said: “It starts at the home. It starts at home. It starts with how you raise your children. If a young man doesn’t have a father figure, he’ll go find a father figure. So you know I can’t blame the system. It’s unfortunate, that we make it such easy work for them.” In an earlier interview with Reuters, Denzel, who grew up in a Christian home with a father who was a pastor, said that people are not “born a criminal.” He had friends who started going down a certain path at ages 13 or 14 and while he stopped, his friends continued and today many are in prison. It was the same message being shared by another Black …

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Children do better when parents are married versus living together

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A recent study by the Institute for Family Studies found that children raised in a family where parents marry have the best chance of success. The study reported in The Federalist analyzed data from 100 countries. The study found that where there is no marriage commitment — this included situations where both of the child’s biological parents were living together — there was a greater chance the child would face a union transition. This takes place when parents end their relationship and start a new sexual relationship. These types of transition create a major time of instability for children often resulting in emotional and behavioral problems, educational difficulties and even a higher risk of death for the child. The report stated that “[C]ohabitation continues to confer a stability disadvantage on individual children even as cohabitation has become more normative.” The report disputes those who suggest that because of the rise in rates cohabitation it should be looked upon as the new form of marriage. Writing for The Federalist, Holly Scheer said: “Couples who commit to …

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How unrealistic expectations trip up your child

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One of the biggest regrets my husband and I have is the expectations we placed upon our kids especially our son in his younger years. None of the expectations had anything to do with him and everything to do with what we wanted and how we wanted to feel. Expectations are good. Unrealistic expectations are not and do not leave room for flexibility or change. Clinical Psychologist Selena Snow says,  “unrealistic expectations are potentially damaging because they set us and others up for failure.” It took awhile for us to realize that our expectations were unrealistic and taking a toll on our son. Life wasn’t fun for him anymore. He felt trapped and did not want to make a mistake for fear of losing our approval. Taking risks was no longer an option for him. When it comes to our family, our expectations must be placed in God, not our children. Putting our expectations upon our children especially at a young age can create all kinds of frustration, anger and resentment, not just for the …

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Impact of divorce on teens

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I was reading an article about a young teen, William Cornick, 15, from England who stabbed his teacher to death in front of his classmates in 2014. The incident shocked people across England. William was doing exceptionally well academically. He seemed like a normal, well-adjusted boy. Police found the family to be loving, caring and involved in William’s life. They could find no reason that would explain the murder of a teacher. I had to read several articles before I discovered a single line, buried at the bottom of an article that said his parents had divorced. Is it possible, this one fact hidden in dozens of pages written on this horrific attack was the reason for this violent murder? In a previous article, Studies reveal the negative impact of divorce on children, I looked at the impact of divorce on children from a report written by Rebecca O’Neill in 2001 for England’s Institute for the Study of Civil Society based in London. O’Neill looked at the vast amount of research on the profound impact absent fathers …

The unseen violence of divorce

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[by Dean Smith] A brutal murder which took place on April 28, 2014 was one of the most disturbing in England that year. It caught the media and public’s attention like no other. Ann Maguire, 61, a school teacher at Corpus Christi Catholic College in Leeds, England was teaching a Spanish class at the school. It was supposed to be her last year as she was looking forward to retirement in the fall. She bent down for a moment to talk to one of the students in the class.

Who has the most worthwhile job? Believe it or not, survey says stay-at-home moms

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[by Dean Smith] Years ago, I attended a political meeting, when a young stay-at-home mom nervously approached a mike in an open session to address the several politicians, including the party leader, sitting at the front. She expressed her desire to be at home looking after her young children. She believed it was an important job, but government policies including higher taxation rates were making it increasingly difficult for her family to do this. It seemed everyone, in this largely conservative gathering, applauded her statement. Well, everyone I guess, except one.

Is England on the verge of criminalizing parenting?

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If you want to see the future for North American watch what is unfolding in the United Kingdom. There are disturbing things happening in that country and when it happens there, its next stop seems to be North America. The Christian Institute is warning about recent legislation proposed for England redefining child neglect. If passed, it could potentially turn every parent in that country into a criminal. The Institute says the legislation will be introduced in the Queen’s speech on June 4, 2014. In this speech, English governments traditionally present their legislative goals in the upcoming session of parliament. According to a law passed in 1933, child neglect is limited to areas of providing basic care such as food, clothing and medical aid. Failure to do that could result in charges. However, the new legislation is expected to include emotional care in the list of abuses.

James’ Ossuary, Deer, and Being a Witness to Our Families

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These three things may seem like totally unrelated subjects, but let me try to connect them.  Over the last few months I’ve talked to many Christian friends who are deeply grieved over family members, especially adult children who have turned from God and seemingly are on a self-destructive one-way journey out of God’s kingdom. I have seen the deep pain and self-blaming in the lives of good people grieving over kids gone wrong.  Let me start by stating the obvious – you can’t make someone do something that they do not want to do.  God created us with a free will. Our children may have all kinds of reasons or excuses for being mad at mom and dad and God, but the real reason is a heart one.  Arguing with them often results in angry words and a slammed door.  This scenario plays out in too many homes.  So, what is to be done? 

The consequences of “time poverty” in single parent families

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A study conducted in Sweden in 2002, presented a disturbing picture of the struggle facing single parents. The study — released in a medical journal called The Lancet in January 2003 — reported children in single parent families were: Twice as likely to have “psychiatric disease” Twice as likely to attempt or commit suicide Up to Four times as likely to abuse alcohol and drugs (boys four times, girls three times) The study compared the medical and death records of 65,000 children from single parent families with 920,000 children from two-parent families between 1985 and 1990.