Bible, Emotional health, Main, Spiritual, Teaching, Women, z151
Comment 1

Struggling to free yourself from the web of comparison

Credit: David Boozer/ Commons

I think we say sorry to often.

Others may not like your opinion, but provided you weren’t harsh or mean in what you said, there is no reason to apologize. Yet many of us apologize for the silliest things.  Stop saying sorry for no real reason. Ask yourself if you really need to apologize or are those words another way of belittling yourself?

Save your apology for the real stuff when you have really blown it and now you have to own it.  Do it when you want to run and hide or avoid acknowledging the mistake you made. That’s when you apologize and say those words, I’m sorry.

But along with this we need to train ourselves to stop saying I’m sorry for things we are not responsible for which is also backwards.

So why do we do this?

We need to understand the root of our apologizing for everything may have been deeply ingrained in us from childhood.

It is often rooted in the comparison trap where we compare ourselves to others all the time and invariably see our shortcomings and failures. Maybe you heard the words, “why can’t you be like Betsy” growing up and this mindset that you are not good enough became ingrained in you. Maybe the words were spoken at school.

If you are caught in the comparison trap, a deep sense of shame can develop in your heart. And out of this attitude you develop the need to always apologize even when it is not your fault, because you look at yourself as the failure and the one always in the wrong.

We find ourselves caught in a web of lies that have been spun into our life story.  It keeps weaving the lies into our psyche telling us that we are not good enough, we can’t change, and that we will always be this way.

Always apologizing for things that are not our fault can be an indicator of this more deeply rooted problem.

The Apostle Paul said:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours. (Galatians 6:4-5 ERV)

But here is the key, Paul says that we are to accept the responsibilities that are ours, we are not to accept the responsibilities that belong to others and sometimes we are apologizing for what others did wrong.

Let’s break free from the mindset that has woven itself around us all our lives and develop a growth mindset. We may see ourselves as small and insignificant, but we are worth fighting for.

Of course, we will falter at this but if it is your intention to overcome then you will conquer, and we can start by stopping apologizing for things we don’t need to apologize for.

A growth mindset is about appreciating the obstacles that is part of the overcoming.  Embrace the struggle and the work it takes to keep moving forward. Know beforehand that you will fall, fail and make mistakes and that you will be frustrated at times, but stand back up and press ahead.

Inch by inch, bit by bit you can work yourself out of the comparison web that seeks to trap you. As you break free from this ‘fixed mindset’ that has defined you for years and press into a ‘growth mindset’ then you will break free from the web of lies that have held you captive.

“I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own (yet); but one thing I do (and it is my one aspiration): forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,” (Philippians 3:13)

We have a purpose, and we have gifts that God has given us to help us fulfill his purpose and plans for our lives. Embrace the struggle and keep straining forward to what lies ahead.

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