All posts tagged: Forgiving yourself

Forgiving ourselves

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Though we are exhorted throughout the Bible to forgive others, perhaps the biggest challenge that believers face is forgiving ourselves when we have done wrong. Maybe our actions, intentional or otherwise, caused harm to others or maybe we failed to help, and we just can’t seem to shake these feelings of failure and condemnation. Though the Bible does not directly state that we must forgive ourselves, it is implied throughout the scriptures. We start with how God treats our sins by tossing them into the deepest part of the ocean, which some have described as the sea of forgetfulness: He will again have compassion on us;    he will tread our iniquities underfoot.You will cast all our[a] sins    into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19 ESV) Isaiah describes God putting our sins behind His back, so He sees them no more (Isaiah 38:17). God has chosen to forgive and completely forget our sins, but many of us struggle with seeing ourselves as God sees u. The Jews understood the importance of this and actually developed the tradition …

Breaking free from the chains of regret

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Many of us are weighed down by regrets from the past and the longer we stay chained to these regrets, the harder it is to break free from them.  We lose our freedom in Christ because holding onto past regrets links us up to self-condemnation and self- hatred. The Bible says that in Christ we are freed from all condemnation (Romans 8:1) and there is also no separation from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). We must learn to love ourselves in the same way God loves us. The longer we hold on to this chain and refuse to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and failures, the heavier the chain becomes. So how do we free ourselves from these chains that weigh so heavily upon us, that they almost take our breath away at times? It starts by accepting the fact that we all make mistakes. It is part of being human.  And then forgiving ourselves if needed. If we don’t, it will inevitably lead to condemnation. Lana Vawser, a prophet and teacher, says it’s …

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Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down!

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Mistakes, I’ve made a few.  Sorry Frank, but I made those mistakes doing things my way and not the right way. I used to be an athlete. If you saw me, you’d be able to see my chiselled abs and bulging muscles. Okay, so the bulges are not in my biceps and the chiselled looks have faded into my memory, where they remained exaggerated to this day. After all, I am a storyteller.  At one time I was a ranked tennis player…but only on those hot summer days. Yet I made mistakes. Yup, I admit that I was not perfect in either my game or my life. During a tennis match one day, I was having trouble putting the spare ball in my pocket. You see in tennis for some reason players stash a spare ball in their shorts. Weird.  When I played hockey, I was never allowed to carry an extra puck. The same happened when I played football. The refs would get really mad if you had your own ball. This one day …

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Messed Up

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I hurt someone the other day. I didn’t mean to but I did. I felt convicted about this, so offered my apology and asked for forgiveness. All seemed well and should have been, but I kept rehearsing the event in my mind. “How could I have messed up so badly,” was in my thoughts. I couldn’t let it go. Later that day I read a quote Jill McCormick which pointedly said: “God is not surprised by my mistakes, imperfections and sin. Only He is perfect, which is why He extends me grace.” Sometimes it is easier to see grace extended for others but harder to see the same for myself. I know I am not perfect only He is. I cannot fix everything. Yet I can accept His grace and mercy because it is extended freely with no strings attached. I really want to live more fully in this beautiful grace He offers – even when I mess up. “God always gives you all the grace you need. So you will only have to suffer …

Do you love yourself? Credit: chandrika221/Flickr/Creative Commons

Forgiving yourself is not just about you

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For many of us, our biggest forgiveness issue may be forgiving ourselves. From blowing your budget, stealing, lying or cheating on a spouse or perhaps you were in a war where people died because of you. Whatever it was the awfulness of it sinks you with guilt and shame. God may forgive you, but can you forgive yourself? According to Dr. Luskin, Director of Stanford University’s Forgiveness Project, the biggest obstacle to self-forgiveness is the tendency we have to wallow in our guilt. He says: “It’s not just that we feel bad because we know we’ve done wrong, Everybody does that. But some of us actually draw those bad feelings around ourselves like a blanket, cover our heads, and refuse to stop the wailing. He states, that it is a crazy form of penance. We curl up in a ball and say, Hey, Look how bad I feel! See how I’m suffering! I’m pitiful! I’m pathetic! I can’t be punished any more than this; it wouldn’t be fair!” Instead of taking responsibility for what we’ve …

What is your story? Credit: rafaelsoares/Flickr/Creative Commons

Changing your story

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We all have a story to tell and often people read our story before we actually get to tell it. I have learned that we often give people evidence about ourselves by our words and actions. My insecurities have spoken for themselves and my perception of myself and life has shone through. Literally, I have handed over my story to others by the way I talk about myself, present myself and perceive life. In a matter of moments, people will take what I present and form an opinion of me. We are an open book to this world. So the question is what story am I telling? Is it one of hardship, struggle and pain, a perpetual victim-hood that never ends or is it one of a victor — a person who is overcoming each and everyday? And if it isn’t the latter, do I want to change my story? Our struggles, our pain, our disharmony with life, circumstances and people are opportunities for growth. They provide the platform to dive into the depths of …

Do you love yourself? Credit: chandrika221/Flickr/Creative Commons

Do we need to love ourselves?

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“The second is: ‘You must love others as much as yourself.’ No other commandments are greater than these.” (Mark 12:3) According to Matthew Henry’s commentary, loving yourself from a biblical perspective refers to loving the image of God in you and the way He created you. This is not referring to a conceited, prideful, self-worship type of love. Loving yourself and embracing your significance as a Christian is vital. We need to love and value ourselves in the same way God does. Low self-esteem, beating ourselves up emotionally and physically (body image), defining ourselves through past mistakes and failures are all signs that we are not loving ourselves in the same way God loves us. We can be bitter and unforgiving towards others. But we can also be bitter and unforgiving towards ourselves and God because of the way we perceive ourselves  through our body image or  the way things turned out for us in life. I am learning that it  is just as important to forgive myself  as it is to forgive others. Understanding …

The greatest horror show of all time and why it happened?

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[by Dean Smith] What is the greatest horror show of all time? I am sure a number could be thrown out. For the record I hate horror shows, but while attending Bible School I ended up going to the movie Alien. I remember my friend and I almost running back to the car after watching it, we were so terrified. On Halloween evening in 1938, a CBS radio station in New York City broadcast a script of H.G. Wells’ book War of the Worlds. During the first two-thirds of the broadcast, it was treated as an actual news cast. People were so caught up by the story that portrayed an invasion of New York City by Martians that many actually fled their homes in fear. CBS was bombarded by calls about the invasion. Surely these would be considered contenders, but still they are not terrifying enough to top my list.