All posts tagged: People-pleasing

Are you infected with the ‘disease to please’?

There are many physical diseases in this world and in the spiritual realm there is one particular disease that will kill, destroy and eat you up in a very short time. The ‘disease to please’ ruled my life for many years and if I have learned anything, repeatedly putting the wants and needs of others before my own leads to spiritual death that sucks the joy and peace right out of you. Why? Because many of us misunderstand what Christ meant when He said “deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me.” Somewhere along the way our minds twisted the truth of Christ’s words. And as we misinterpret Christ’s command to deny ourselves an infection sets in, and we easily fall into the trap of gaining peoples’ approval through our actions. The infection is called people-pleasing. We start to believe that other people matter more than we do and that we are to live humble, service-orientated lives because what we want doesn’t matter. Geri Scazzero is a pastor’s wife and in her book …

Choosing the right path. Credit: Bertie Mabootoo/Flickr/Creative Commons

Veering off the path

Psychologists believe that many of the health issues women experience today stem from our fear-based emotions and false beliefs about ourselves. Like ‘I am not good enough, I don’t have enough money to be successful , I am too fat etc. As I look back over a few of the more dramatic or traumatic events in my life, there were signs leading up to them. Signals, a sense of something not right. Really, it was a whisper of the soul and sometimes they were from Jesus as the Lord will speak to us: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27} And I realize now that as time went on and I ignored this voice, clearer and louder messages followed. But deep down I knew that something was up and I didn’t really know what to do because fear was there too. And as I continued to ignore these warning signs I was  hit by what some call “a cosmic 2×4.” I like how Stacey Martino puts it, …

Credit: Nick Kenrick/Flickr/Creative Commons

Are you a people-pleaser?

Giving and pleasing look exactly the same on the outside but they both come from a different place or motivation of the heart. They even feel different because giving comes from a positive space and people-pleasing comes from a negative one. Stacey Martino, a relationship expert, refers to people-pleasing as ‘the kiss of death’ because we are giving from a place of insecurity (our need for approval and to be valued).  We are doing it for the wrong reasons and this creates resentment. People-pleasing drains you emotionally because you really didn’t want to do it in the first place. You just did it to please someone. And if we experience rejection it magnifies our resentment. An internal explosion is not to far away. Giving comes from a positive place of optimism hopefulness, passion, gratitude, joy and desire to bless. People-pleasing comes from a place of insecurity, doubt, worry, jealousy, disappointment, blame or boredom. Ultimately, people-pleasing stems from our need to be loved and valued. It is rooted in insecurity.  We don’t know our true worth …