All posts tagged: dealing with high expectations

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Waves of surrender

As, I stood on a beach in Mexico recently with my daughter, the waves caught my attention. Over the past few weeks, I wrestled with some things in my mind that mostly involved expectations I had placed on myself. These expectations kept me awake at night and anxious during the day. I sat down in the warm ocean water leaned back on the sandy shoreline and allowed the waves to crash over me. I watched the waves rise, gain momentum and then fall. The strength of the waves kept building and some were four to five feet high. I plugged my nose, held my breath and braced myself as the next wave rolled over me, pushing me further back onto the shore. The sand massaged my body as I sank deeper and deeper into it’s wet but warm embrace. It was so comforting! In those moments, I released the expectations I had placed on myself. I let go of them as the waves rolled over me.  I had placed expectations on myself of things I …

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The millennial challenge

We often joke with our daughter about being a “millennial” because she and her generation have a strong sense of entitlement. I realize now we are actually demeaning them and putting them in a shame position that makes it harder for them to move into adulthood. Several nights ago, I saw a young boy running with his teammates during a football practice and he couldn’t keep up. He was embarrassed. It broke my heart to see him caught in the throes of obvious comparison and failure in the eyes of his team mates. I wondered if this was what he wanted to do? Or was he playing football because that is what his parents’ wanted? On our journey through the child and teenage years, my husband and I realized that many times we were living our hopes and unmet dreams through our children. This was a harsh reality for us. It took time to undo the damage in their lives, our son in particular. We had to apologize and say “sorry” more than once. Many …

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Has your church offended you?

As I look back over the past 30 years of our Church life, I realize how much happier my husband and I could have been, if we had only known then what we know now. But like many, we learned the hard way. One of the keys is learning not to be offended by your church. So, how does one protect and guard themselves from getting hurt in church? Reflecting on our spiritual journey this one truth comes back to me over and over again.  Avoid developing unreasonable expectations of the church and its leaders. I am reminded of a time years ago when my husband struggled with personal identity issues in his life.  So much of it was wrapped up in how well he performed at work and he became a workaholic of sorts. I was not perfect during this period and kept heaping unrealistic expectations on him — what he should be doing around the house and even at church. He just couldn’t handle it! These unreasonable expectations were putting distance between him …